My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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