doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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