The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
