I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
