remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
