i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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