What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
