Someone shit on the floor
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
