you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
