at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
