I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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