I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
