Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
