This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
