And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got inside last night via doggy door
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
