Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
