I think I am morally bankrupt
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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