i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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