The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
