i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
