I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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