Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
