your room smells of hookers.
And success
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
