if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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