Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
