Can Purell be used as lube?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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