Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
how drunk are you?
Several
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
