Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
