I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you traded sex for a burrito?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
