The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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