haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
