so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
