My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
