after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
