doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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