i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
