wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
