Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
