if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
