Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
