Having a random hookup so left but love u
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
