i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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