Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
