I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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