she smelled like a LAN party
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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