capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
