I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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