once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
