hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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