How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
