So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
