It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
