The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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