just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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