For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
