I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
zippers are such a cool invention
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
