my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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