I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
