I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize