I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
