I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
