it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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