I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
