why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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