you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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