omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize