Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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